As a mom, and a human functioning in a world where the demands are higher than hours in the day, I commonly think, "maybe I just need more self care." You know the fancy kind; lunches, massages, baths, and audiobooks. And yes, there is good in that. But what about self care that is sustaining, not just maintaining. What I mean is what about the self care that sets you up in a proactive way instead of soothing the burn out that is soon to return. Yeah, it's the hard stuff. Reflection of boundaries, communication of needs, and examining our values and how they show up in daily life.
While reading the book, Real Self-Care: A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included), I had to pause and think about how this shows up in my life, and the people in my office. There is a lot of value in this perspective. What if instead of scheduling time to yourself once a month, you had a conversation with your boss about a shift in work schedule, or a talk with your partner about a balance of duties within the family. How about hiring a housekeeper, or taking the time to parent your children as stakeholders in your home. Woah, this seems great, but how is this self care?
It is examining the things that are leading you back into the burn out cycle and moving towards daily improved functioning. Let's give some examples.
Every morning is starting to be a terrible way to start the day. Kids are having a difficult time getting started, and let's be honest, who gets their kids out the door each day with a smile on everyone's faces?
Original self care: "this morning was rough, let me get myself a coffee on my drive to work." Great! But what about tomorrow or the next day?
New self care: "Requests partner sets out weekly clothes for each child on Sunday night, and set up a reward system for oldest child take autonomous steps for getting out the door or even help a sibling."
Original self care: "I am at the end of my rope, I am booking a spa day for four hours at the end of the month." Great! What if you didn't have to reach the end of the rope?
New self care: " I need to reflect on my day, what feels hard and how can I sustain the week." I am going to ask my boss if I can head out early two days a week for a half an hour and reduce my lunch by 30 minutes."
Original self care: "I feel disconnected with my partner and I am feeling distant because of how burned out I am working and taking care of the kids. I am going to book us a date night." Dates are wonderful, but what about sustainable connection.
New self care: "I want to be connected to my spouse more, but it feels impossible due to resentment of the mental load." I am going to have a difficult conversation (or many conversations) with empathy about how my marriage is going and some concerns. I really want to have a few solutions coming out of the conversation.
This is powerful. Self care in the traditional sense seems out of reach for so many, and let's face it, no amount of pedicures and iced coffee are going to take away tomorrow's stressors. Take a moment to reflect. What are ways to integrate this perspective on how you care for yourself? Right them down, soak in how it might feel to be slightly less stressed? YOU GOT THIS, GIVE IT A TRY!
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