In today's fast-paced and demanding world, it's not uncommon to experience anxiety. We all face various stressors that can trigger feelings of worry, fear, and unease. For some individuals, this anxiety can lead to a vicious cycle of avoidance, where they avoid situations or tasks that provoke discomfort or anxiety. This avoidance, while providing temporary relief, ultimately perpetuates anxiety and keeps individuals stuck in a state of stagnation. I want to take some time today to explain how anxiety works in relation to avoidance, because I believe that when you know how things grow or build, you may feel empowered to make change.
Understanding the Anxious Avoidance Cycle:
The anxious avoidance cycle is a self-perpetuating pattern that involves two main components: anxiety and avoidance. When faced with a situation or task that triggers anxiety, individuals instinctively seek relief by avoiding it altogether. This avoidance temporarily alleviates the discomfort, reinforcing the belief that avoidance is an effective coping mechanism. This sends a "false alarm" to the brain and then when the situation or task is avoided, it reinforces the alarm.
However, the relief is short-lived and the anxiety returns, often even stronger than before. This reinforces the avoidance behavior and further entrenches individuals in a cycle of anxiety and stagnation.
Take a moment to pause. What are you avoiding?
Now let's dive into how it impacts you.
The Detrimental Effects of the Anxious Avoidance Cycle
Limited personal growth: By avoiding challenging situations, individuals miss out on valuable opportunities for growth, learning, and self-improvement.
Increased anxiety: Avoidance may temporarily reduce anxiety, but it fails to address the underlying issues. Over time, anxiety can escalate, as avoidance prevents individuals from developing effective coping strategies.
Negative impact on self-esteem: Avoidance can erode self-confidence and self-esteem, as individuals become increasingly aware of their avoidance patterns and the missed opportunities that result from them.
Breaking Free from the Anxious Avoidance Cycle:
While breaking free from the anxious avoidance cycle may seem daunting, it is entirely possible with commitment and a willingness to face discomfort head-on. Here are some practical strategies to help you overcome avoidance and cultivate personal growth:
Identify avoidance patterns: Start by identifying the situations or tasks you tend to avoid. Recognize the underlying fears and anxieties associated with them.
Set achievable goals: Break down daunting tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Set realistic goals and gradually expose yourself to the situations you've been avoiding. Celebrate your successes along the way, no matter how small they may seem.
Practice self-compassion: Understand that breaking free from the anxious avoidance cycle is a journey. Be kind to yourself and embrace the fact that setbacks and challenges are a natural part of the process.
Seek support: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can provide guidance and support as you navigate through the challenges. Having someone to talk to can make a significant difference in your ability to overcome avoidance and anxiety..
Challenge negative thoughts: Often, avoidance is driven by negative thoughts and irrational beliefs about the perceived threats associated with a particular situation.
Let me give you an example:
I often work with parents of young children and when I ask the question around supports or childcare they use, many of them simply just do not use sitters, family or close friends as supports. I fully understand, it can be scary and evoke anxiety when leaving your children for even a small amount of time. Insert avoidance.
Let's say 6 months to a year down the road you start to notice you have disengaged from hobbies, friendships or even feel disconnected from your spouse. All this is noticed with some reflection, and you think "I am ready to use a sitter" and plan that first outing. It brings a large emotional wave of anxiety (tears, over explaining steps to the sitter, constant checking in and even coming home early). You may want to NEVER do it again.
This is where the techniques above come in as an alternative to avoidance. Perhaps you start with small amounts of time with trusted friends or family, maybe you get a sitter during nap time, or even practice leaving on your own while the little one is with your trusted partner.
You can break the cycle, and learn from your experience. Let's be bigger than our anxiety today!
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