We hear it time and time again, connecting with your partner is important. Research even shows that the way we communicate can predict the success of our relationships. Yes, it is VERY important. But what do you do when communication lulls, or even feels one sided? Continue reading to reflect on a few elements of communication, and find statements to support continued conversations.
Perhaps you have got to a point within your relationship where conversations seem to come to an end quickly, or lack sustenance. Hearing "okay, yeah, mhhmm..." is starting to frustrate you. You are not alone, and there are things you can implement to improve connection.
When are you connecting? Is it across the room mid dinner cooking? Or perhaps it is via text on your lunch break. I encourage you to make an effort to shift the environment to allow for more connection. Sit down, make eye contact, be intentional.
Are your questions open ended or are they close ended? When you are speaking do you say something like, "I am thinking of getting the kids into a summer camp." or is it "I am brainstorming ideas for summer to keep the kids engaged, do you have any ideas?"
Do you create a pause or space for your partner to respond? Sometimes we don't even pause long enough to allow for responses. Yes, we all do this. Check in with yourself, are you allowing time for your partner to process and respond.
Lastly, when you do not get a response that feels intentional, what does it look like to address this? "What is going on? I am noticing that this conversation is a bit one sided." Or even a broader opening, "I feel frustrated by our communication, and I need more connection. Is there anything we can do to talk more frequently about meaningful things?" or "Your opinion matters to me, I would love to hear what you have to say."
Here are some supportive statements to get the conversation going:
What are your thoughts?
What does that look like for you?
Can you share your opinion?
Tell me more!
I want to hear your thought process.
One more thing to remember , communication is 70% non-verbal. Check-in with tone, volume and body language while speaking with your partner. A reminder to approach things from a space of "curious, not furious."
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